Shaindy Eckstein

 I told her I loved her. Some time later, she said "you dont love me you talk to me out of boredom. get a hobby dude." I did love her, just not romantically. SHE WAS MY HOBBY. Every day, I chatted with her for 4-5 hours a day. Using a keyboard. Hypergraphic/hyperlexic. And recently, I met a neighbor(bill) look a-like in the hospital. Now as far as the real bill goes..we were same man ages apart. He came out of his house hung over.  I came out of my house dope sick. And it was the same tale. I'd say HELLO BILL. And he'd say "Hey buddy, how are you." All in all, Bill Eckstein huh! Then I remember CLEARLY..he had a stroke. And one day..I remember him telling his wife... "Get me a beer, honey.".I felt weird, not bad but weird. I'm emotionally retarded. So feeling bad equated with feeling weird. He'd spend every winter in florida while I enjoyed the winter ( being russian ) in new york. I also remember gf's sister smarting off with Bill son's and when it was time to go home...she came out of the house and her car was gone.Bill's son had car taken away by cops. I guess he had connections. Which were probably as well why I NEVER GOT ARRESTED ONCE, LITERALLY NOT ONCE in all my time living next to Bill. I hope his wife is still alive and comes along this text. As far as I go, I'm not afraid of death...death is afraid of me. The first winter I spent living as bill's neighbor.. i spent ALOT of money on a junk habit. Which he was full aware of. Likely with pops talking to him...no legal problems coming from my bewildered life style. It was only second semester I finished of school. Fucking up badly. Though my first semester, one of my professors entitled me "The amicable paul geller". I guess he saw the "emotional retardation" in me. I spent bout an hour studying for that final and got a B+. As classmates sat there talking about notes and shit. I sat there quietly. Now your amicable one sits here 19 years later writing this. I was 19 when I began my junkie life. Coincedences are gods way of staying anonymous man...and that holy "Anonymity key principle of our meetings" in Narcotics anonymous fuck outa here .. crackhead retards. NA in my book aint narcotics, it's "Niggas aroused". I'd been big on AA but I'm juvenile diabetic..drinking obviously wasn't my thing. And once again, I did love you shaindy. Because many years after us both getting into junk...her sitting at her apartment blowing alot of money of drugs. I spent ALL THAT TIME dope sick and I shit you not...NOT ONCE did the thought "Oh, let me get more intimate and maybe I could move in with her and REALLY GET OFF" comes across my mind. So mr..Shimon Eckstein...ONCE AGAIN .. I'm sorry for my anti-semitic gangsta rap I had SEVERAL REASONS for composing it but NOT ONE of them had ANYTHING to do with anti-semitic feelings or whatever.  and yeah, I remember your name, SHIMON. AND YEAH, I believe now I'm old enough to refer to you by your first name. NOW BACK TO POLITICS MY MIDDLE FINGER IS REAL SCARRED ON MY RIGHT HAND SO IF MY MAN TRUMP WAS LOOKIN OUT FOR ME...AND BIDEN DONT LIKE NEEDLE RIDDEN OR ANY OF THAT FAGGOT SHIT. Biden, you're a spiteful white boy. Ain't no holding back in saying FUCK YOU. Obama, on the other hand......I'm sorry for my life style. But lets get serious now..looking like me surviving a 50 % mortality  rate stroke at 22. You think your man biden would off done better in my shoes? Stroke/appearance with poverty to boot. Emotionally retarded...simple. How could me and shaindy have gotten to a romantic point. The summer or 2004 I met my beloved "Anastacia Kareva". She was boyish and mildly retarded so in other words  A MAN WITH A PUSSY.  I see it like this..a retarded man whos social is a woman with a dick and a retarded social woman is a man with a pussy. ONCE AGAIN...woman are attracted when amused and men are amused when attracted. My bro, Ilya Geller got a bachelors in philosophy..that's a statement for him. "Nuff SAID." Ms. impagliazzo you were a paradox of some sort or some shit. Genuinely so. I ain't even going to comment on JR or break anonymity I got a head injury once cause of it. Enough's enough :-( First reason amongst many I'm not a narcissist. "So one of a narcissist's first fears is when they get laughed at. " I have NEVER feared being laughed at, maybe as a little kid. Laughter of others was simply awkward. As much else. I guess when you're emotionally retarded..."Awkward" is everything. Hrm. OH YEAH, I HOPE KING FIRST AND IF HE DOES SHOW UP MR. PUERTO RICAN HUNCH BACK OF NOTRE DAME COMES AROUND TONIGHT AS WELL