AWKWARDLY ISOLATED

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Whatever I must do or what it is I must go through

as a consequence for the life I've led, I'll take that over death. Since there must be hiergharchy officials involved in all this. I will go lay down.


I do love her but it can't happen. I'm a crippled nobody.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

MY APOLOGIES TO:

First and fore most to jewish folks. My biological tie. I said two negative things towards them. One, calling his own foul names. Bobby fischer who insulted TO SHB THAT MEOW WHAT R  his own hard-heartedly. I referred to him with anti-semitic names not cause I resent my own but because a man as bright as him turned anti-semitic. Sure, it's common such out of the blue hate coming to towards his own. I wroet a poem gangster-rap technis it was "Savant- mimicking   the russian legend guitartist Vladimir Vysotsky in his own song antisemit. Original cleverly rephrased it all pertaining. I'm truly NOT BECAUSE of any consequence POSSIBLE TOWARDS ME, JEWISH IS ME GENEPOOL. and theyve been so go in helping my family. BUT MY FELLOWS ETHNICITY LOVE DOESNT PERTAIN TO ANY ETHNICITY OR PART OF THE WORLD BELOVED IS FROM.SHE NEVER WAS IN ANYWAY FOUL TOWARD MY FAMILY. IM SURE SHEIS HAPPY WITHV WHOEVER SHES WITH AND HELL ID ORDER FLOWERS FOR HER AGAIN EVEN IF THEY WWERE BRUNG TO Her PLATOnICAL, VALKA SWEET WHILE SHES GETTIN KINKY FUXXORED BY NEW BF. TURNS MY LOVE  SORE BUT DONT CHANGE IT ONLY WOULD HURT PRIDE BUT IM WAY OVER MYSELF. SHE IS A SAINT AND i WORSHIP HER. Be her background a lil not favorin' jews irrelevant love has no ethnicity. Any expression negative in of passages written is simply adding romantic touch to  my often tension tears which is from non-health related frustration, you know we've all got skeletons inn closets biological ties of mine ARE SEMITIC but closest FOLKS deepest child memories are church related. Beloved granny was all church related. Guess that makes me one a jew for jesus. r,i.p Babushka  my love im SO FUCKING SORRY YOU DIED WITNH A NEEDLE-RIDDED DOPEFIEND IN YOUR GHEART ID END MY LIFE BUT IM HEAVILY  ON THE IDDEA GOD DONT FORGIVE SUICIDE.  ALSOB THE RESTB OF HUMOR IS CLEAN SLATE. SECOND A,MONGST WHO HIDES FEELINGS Second homophobic REMARKS 7VERY VERY OBSCENE BUT ONLY RESULTIN  FROM BNEARLHY BEIN RAPED ONCE HEGH I HAVE NOTHIN  HAVE NOTHING AGAINST GAY FOLK. MANY ARE AWESOME PPL. CALL MECLOSET WEN I AWAS YOUNG I BROUGHT ONE OVER MY HOUSE TO INTRODUCE 2 MY CUTE LASD CHOW/LAB MIX. IAM NOT LEAST B7Im truly Sorry for my acomme nts agaisnt semites and LGBT nfoul mouthing gave them touch of MY TENSION FROM EVEN IFUGHHHH OK IM TRULY SORRY THIS-GENE TIED PASHA SO FUCKING TENSE AND ISOLATED


I SANG A RAP SONG WITH EUTHANASIA LYRICS BIOLOGICALLY/GENETICALLY TIED TO DR. KEVORKIAN NOW IT LOOKS LIKE MY FAMILY WILLB PROFIT OFF MY DEATH SELL IMAGE OF ME SAYIN I GOT SOME TERMINAL CONDITION/KILL NME

misplaced words

I've been isolated by others since 1st grade and managed to run through more bucks in a nine-month transfer 99% of the air everyday life one who takes great interest in reading now three years after I earn my degree I was another serious medical incident people from different walks of life or backgrounds calls in a few cities who looked over it now my level of isolation in the last 11 years you got check on the bed character beat black humor poetry of gangster rap by a long shot because where is he spent 15 years isolated in a basement Reading literature I spent 11 years in isolation reading newspaper articles Health message boards etc when a person has a 99% isolation only has own world in such case individual has a knack for the pen and writing to sneakers at Cal Berkeley education of same printer junior level education what is Rick novasyte physical fact it's technically fiction try out with the 1% of his world and which others exist even that is more or less romantic view wrecking for those who to home traffic is when I say romantic I'm not speaking of love a preference I mean in the sense of the word which is most gratifying to those who take interest open your heart when this is done by the everyday musician or individual it doesn't stretch out past reason in my case it does because some of what's what is an analogy the greatest piece of work I run across there is zero concern for reason because musica writing got red I had my share of all this misplaced words decreased My Line to Line referencing from the books but that is more personal touch to contact I speak on with every day in fact from the lives of others I come across news articles and health message boards but then again I need mention to ask text. Not be offensive because a joke's a joke and the joke without question on me as far as dark goes its simplest a smile on there is reflection and Shadow to those in context of what you working it is so my life straight now the 1% of my life which is not isolated it's heavily out yesterday because my interest in writing and using the word romantic doesn't create to shoulders with the woman my preference has my culture adding stress to my life because I gave her friends does not three to the Romantic touch in a Russian now let's get from Jack upstairs. It's all the gin three daughters about his one experience with Love tickets to see girl out of sympathy no detail my love experience I can't straight from it become a few more other than Romance I refer to myself as precious I kissed a girl very boys like my mother never wore lipstick took the light on the ProStar want stress and life papa doe she cares about fit into her life with their stress her own its impact was overshadowed by the fact I wish you could change much i'm so guilt-ridden with she was the one sim 4000 mm and I was the Martin her back seat next to her PR bread next to up your bread i'm out of juice background latest motion leaning towards the mother my childhood memories of a family she found a sick kid and there is a man of the kids biological touch this is where neither or neither Jeffers industrious keys are fit from my lights, core balisong bought by an Army in August one from my biological ties he said mother called me a romantic and a friend said I'm a junkie but physically this young lady she's my mother herself touch every aspect of life is my brother and they're hardened you already know who I am character is my pops this young Lady's Love of Mine around the young lady love mine but you must not forget the root of my romantic touch a rather asgrow Nance rain Man shy attachments never put into consideration what's right answer him only the sun coming up after to dry the grass rain seeps into skin moisturizing myosin why I have zero social competence essence only Pleasant from my childhood the song seeps into the mine, more her memory but my road round up my family have changed morning tonight they are now the song but my route whatever side of me found on using is what they see or read a man whose wife in isolation put him in the place of a Kafka character naked me Joseph over Josephine songs in a small town

I'm sorry valentina, for being rude. But you know me well enough for it  not to be awkward between us. Your sister I'm happy if she's living satisfied regardless of who she's with.

Would be cool if science told me my writing is clever mimicking or solely and selectively expressing tension. in terms of how the mind is built not social science

Sunday, January 29, 2017

LET ME EXPLAIN SOMETHING TO UKRAINE

I've been in a coma twice, I forget alot. MAKE IT SIMPLER: In my whole life I've come to her when I wasn't invited only one time. Ask her yourselves. That day at 5'10 I weighed 110lbs and could barely breathe and it' was my dyish wish to see her one last time. The condition I was in, I don't know how I'm still alive speaking articulately. I doubt I'll live through another coma...and between you and me younger sister, what's special about the phone # that she deals with nonsense calls? she's had that # since a summer evening of 2004..as far back as I know.

FOR EVERYBODY OUTSIDE OUR FAMILIES TAKE YOUR FAGGOT POLITICS SOMEWHERE ELSE 2 DRUG ADDICTS HAPPY TOGETHER CAN STAY CLEAN TOGETHER AND I DIDNT EVEN TALK TO ANYONE IN NASTYAS FAMILY WHEN THEY STARTED TOYIN WITH DRUGS. ASK HER SISTER WHERE SHE A NASTY HABIT FROM EVEN WITH CIGARETTES IM GUILTY OF BUYING THEM A CARTON ONCE WHEN WE MET BUT NASTYA DIDNT EVEN  SMOKE BACK THEN SHE SAID "I might have one rumachka of vodka on new years but that's it." I didn't offer any and by the time I met her again they were partying me shy.

SO IF YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN YOU AINT GOT SHIT TO SAY ON THE ISSUE. IF YOUVE READ this AND STILL FEEL I'M WRONG...dunno what to tell ya I'm no lgbt puppet. Straight as an arrow

My plan for today is here...

http://innateanalytic2.blogspot.com/2017/01/if-it-happens-it-happens.html
^ the plan

THESE ARE PHOTOS are photos of what I found as family in NYC outside of personal and immediate family




I TELL IT IS HOW IT IS NOT HOW IT COULD BE _Factualism philosophy in gangster rap

If it happens, it happens

It's not out of spite. If I enjoyed causing spite, I wouldn't need to mask it with pills before morning mirror. Otherwise... I walk in, walk out...and enjoy life by all the healthy means available. She ain't there then nothing to pray for.

Somebody adds insult to injury while these healthy means come around to me....that'd have to be one spiteful asshole...

Could be pecome president of the PEA club,

PENIS ENVYERS ANONYMOUS NIGGA

YOU CAN ENVY SOMETHIN YOU ALREADY HAVE IF MAN NEXT TO YOU GOT A BIGGER ONE.

" You couldn't measure my dick with 6 rulers " - Wit of Christopher Lee Rios (November 10, 1971 – February 7, 2000),

Wit is synonymous with clever ( adding manhood to it ).

This wit is written for you, Ana_NG. Whoever you are cause as far as I'm concerned your name is Anna NiGga.

BY THE WAY NUGENTS NEXT DOOR MIKE THIS WHAT THE PLAYLIST OF A RUSSIAN GENIUS WHO GREW UP AMERICAN LOOKS LIKE:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5C4N-Owd2aE&index=19&list=PLDfGq2QRbJ0h0ApjMfbChudVEHLdcAicj

Previous neighbor in this burrough was also a Mike..I grew up in his culture.


I'm currently seperated, ready to be wed:

If it happens, hopefully we can skip the fucking small talk and skip to marriage vows:



oh yeah, hyperlexic life of a freaks anatomy.. Ana_NG I can't frame a photo of you in my head don't got no details on the other hand "Emitmai" from how i recollect it

Brown physics next door.

Never the king of the net hard pressed against IRC chat.

belopolsky gennady i think lives in hood run by Korealtors 

Saturday, January 28, 2017

I ain't goin to fuck things up in her life

To create "Brokecunt Mountain'...she comes from money, plenty of guys with it to whom she's still VERY young and attractive. Her sister made it clear one of her lovin husbands goin to hurt me if I keep naggin' her but that ain't the issue. That would only create more love for her. Cause I keep using this term I created factualist and the fact is when I sober up every so often I call and play on her feelings but she's been "raised by an educated mother" so she don't let it show they exist between us so I tell myself I've done nothing wrong. But fact stays fact, I love her and she deserves more than a bottom feeder. I can't do that to her...drugs that's ehhh, youthful mistake if I make her life harder and she doesnt wake up happy next to me with it...I'll end bitter. So drugs aren't realistic anymore with that said, NA, these are halfwit homos playin' 'i'm a wise guy' card after 29 days clean. I don't know, I've gotten pretty lazy over the years with my "I'll help you die your father covers my next high' routine.

Thing is right, if you heard guy in NA SAY THAT you'd think help you die=turn you onto drugs

I SWEAR ..ON MY FUCKING LIFE-> I HAVE NEVER INTRODUCED ANYONE TO SHOOTIN DOPE

Not what I mean't.

I'm good at cleverly paraphrasing right so

If I got enough time, I'll compose American Tolstoy.

"The Death of Paul Geller"

"A man who's run through every spoil of socialites, every gem of elitist and has had the heart of every Lil Odessa housewife being THE STATEN ISLAND STALIN thus as opposed to stalin 5'4 pudgy half georgian pasha 5'10 bone thin considers home a russian suburb state of tambov looks georgian with jack K's genes realizes the only friend he's ever had was a guy pretty bright unfortunately schizophrenic who he brought over the house to enforce the withdrawal induced political thought of drunken and raging retardation. Because where as every single other person in Paul's life..he treated with the silent back-handed thought of "Yeah, guy's going to teach me one. I bet. " meanwhile they used him for what they could. Sergey the schizo never asked for a dime and even had a polite approach to telling Staten Island Stalin he too can be taught. And he was the only friend Paul ever had.... Mind you the strong semitic ties of Pavel Stalin had accepted the fact Sergey is Ukrainian.(but last sentence is JUST DARK HUMOR )

Neighbors next door, once it's finished if you're into classic lit with comedy, you'll like it.

BIGGEST MAN
FIVE FOOT TEN
BIGGEST DICK
TWO INCH THICK
BIGGEST HEAD
THATS ONLY MAD
GREENWICH WHORE
PREFER WEIGHT TO MORE.

Pryor for teenagers.

I'm ready to do anything and everything to change..

change how my older years will go. But if some fortune 5 CEO thinks they'll paint me gay....wrong

I'm straight.


HEY BEAUTIFUL HOW ABOUT A DATE IN MY MOTHERS BASEMENT YOU COVER THE DRINKS I COVER YOU

the word "prostitute" takes away a lady's confidence in paying a man for love. "Call boy - you don't even have to call, mother's basement: I'm very 'accurately fit' for bringing satisfaction on top of you while you call a friend."

Most commonly this is gay man joke, but born a freak of nature doesn't equate to born gay. I'm proof.

Ти валку видит не хочеш?

The one who in 'her' words said "But nataliya they feel like they need each other" you the same person who e-nonymously said that I'm "embellishing retarded" ? hard to picture what kind of fortune brought you some details of my life.

Long story short on this one..what can I do for you

(Side note on god forbid something extreme happens to me in the future(tomorrow 5 months or 5 years: AGAIN I rather die on two legs than live on one. ie; missin limb/stroke..something obscene being done to me resultin of

But regardless who reads, the chick I mentiooned a dozen times. Lady jesus, pussy messiah. She's a rare gentle one simple don't even wear lipstick

I wouldn't mind the rest of my life

At state psych. breakfast I sit around reading lunch few remarks switch kerouac to tolstoy read dinner some small talk and iles book before bed

But I'm...the fuckin site of me is entertaining it turns out and aggravating circumstances turn my psych schedule to

breakfast
healthboards.com
lunch
write some nonsense
cnn/nytimes
dinner
cpl of pills later
I forgot what I read.

But seriously, take a good look at me, MAN WANTS LIFE FREE FOR FUCKING...who am I going to fuck if it aint a brothel gal?

I'd prefer for call girls coming to mothers basement in an escalade for a few drinks skip the small talk fuck and see you next time. Somebody afford me this classy desolate call gal who prefers a real man comforting his mother at home rather than comforting Al Capone's niece selling ass from a block over.

I can't man I can't get into it at the whore house cause then she's being paid and I'm the prostitute.

BUT MY MOTHERS BASEMENT--I'M ALL Man.

The one factor and fact I will NEVER break is...I'm heterosexual.

I'm not against them I'm not phobic etc but in my life NEVER.d that whole ball park. I've got a conscious, sad to say.


See , culture of ANY russian speaking country--that homo shit don't fly


YOU TELL ME GOD IS A PHILANTHROPIST DONATING ME TO NYC...I'll tell you he's not...I said sorry to her and it's done. I don't got money for her means. involving somebody close to her an
Look though if some oriental folk come across me under the weather


I remember my mother tellin older women late night at russian restaurant "He's good with slow dancing." But by 3am I was already so drunk I was dancin down the staircase for a last cigarette.

Slow dancing Rain Man gone to waste...what can I tell you grab ya kid and point ya fingers.