I mean shit.. "any wrong ties into my life" and an alien child has to accept that you're wild. ALOT OF PHILOSOPHY THERE. FAR MORE THAN WRITTEN. I CAN COMPOSE A LITTLE. BRAIN STILL GOOD ENOUGH.

 My childhood I was tortured by children ever since first grade. I had nobody show me love not even my mother. She just "disciplined" when I didnt get an A. I had no emotional outlet. now at 15,  i had  a sexually traumatic experience. I knew difference between right and wrong. I just didnt know how any wrong ties into my life. life time of trauma when all opposing comes as wrong.. i was saint. up until trauma. at 21 i even finished a semester of college with good grades but then broke up with gf and i said fuck school. no chance of going back after what happened at 22. At 22, brain bled, .50 percent death of the type of bleeding. I didnt get into heavy drugs till that point. and yeah i'm retarded but boy what momma disciplined me to, learning/school related i was as good as biggest nerd in class.  I lived ghetto my hardships without projects on guard ships. AN >>>retarded...A student... STUDENT HORRIBLY AFRAID OF BEING BEAT UP HAS THE INTELLIGENCE WHERE CRIME INVOLVED MIGHT LEAD HIM BUT IT HAS ZERO INFLUENCE  ON ACTIONS WITHOUT SOCIOPATHY. IT COULD JUST NEVER HAPPEN WITHOUT   QUESTION IN MY LIFE AT TIME BEING. And trauma topping without treatment...all adds up to a "rare uncalculated figure".  >>>>I UNDERSTAND WHY 2 PSYCHOLOGISTS SAID ID PROBABLY GET INSANITY PLEA ...THEY MUST HAVE HAD MY LIFE FIGURED OUT . AND THEY SAID THAT DESPITE FACT MY URINE WAS DIRTY WHEN  I WAS ARRESTED. "maybe my rare past was goin to change the system a little bit, with further analysis towards a rare and complicated positive urine screen" .  I MEAN SHIT DAYS BEFORE CRIME I FOUND OUT I WAS MOLESTED AND HOURS BEFORE IT HAPPENED I STARTED TO HEAR A VOICE REPEATED WORD "GAY". so yeh im retarded, but with school shit i could have gotten a literature phd easy...all in all "House" must have been talking to me when he said "with your concentration camp physique I beg to differ". With mines... I differed, I had no place as even a beggar. and the sexual trauma was done to you by the ONE AND ONLY childhood friend. Had noone after. He even played the song "Careless whisper" for me ... Guilty feet have got no rhythm...With zero emotional outlet LITERALLY zero from day one looking like me and all...no thesis needed, i mean you look it and obviously see my story as fact... in the cpl of paragraphs done writing here..YOU HAVE TO BE SATAN TO PUNISH A MAN LIKE ME...FUCK .. you know what IM GOING TO SWALLOW TO MY PRIDE...IM A BOY TODAY ...NOT A MAN. 40 YEARS OLD. Mr ... Biden ... Mr Obama.. Mistuh trizump. Make it look soft ghetto being object says suffering your hardknock subject

Man...  I dont even know whos name to include in this post. Fortunately my brother is real light hearted about my fuck ups ... he just calls me a "Realist". he says he respects that. heh FEELING GLAD ABOUT SOMEONES MISFORTUNE THATS LIKE BEING ON WELFARE CLAIMING A FORTUNE....Odd I was getting disability pay because of a misfortune. *sigh* as far as higher IQ you see I do.