;(

 The man who turned me into a junkie i was aquianted with his daughter i was nineteen she was basically a kid. Later on few years i guess he aggressively expressed his guilt and said to me if you dont stop youre going to live like a scumbag and die a homo. Few years later i stopped by his daughters waiting for my dealer she had food and a bottle of cognac on the table and said to me paul youre the only man who knew my father we are going to get married you will see. I didnt drink didnt say much half hour later i walked out went to buy cocaine and heroin....now at 40 I SEE WHAT HE MEANT WHEN HE SAID DIE A HOMO. i had a real difficult childhood ..etc...i thought i was immune to loneliness. But it catches up to all. ALL. No exception its happening that your hundred pound hetero superman fantasizes of angry blacks sodomizing him. And i had a schizophrenic friend who always covered his mouth laughing. Cause of me he learned to laugh like a human being when we ran across the old junkie with colleagues one of em begging for a fix sayin he helped him one time. The old timer said "you got me straight? Haha" my buddy almost cried laughing. The friend i had with schizophrenia was genius and the only guy i tried to be intimate with...and he was the only man ive ever met who was against hooking up with me. A childhood friend explained to me when he said paul he didnt want to ruin your friendship. But noone including me is superhuman loneliness catches up to us all its fucking amazing the amount of ladies that gave me a chance and i walked away...but as i said man "a romantics life seldom has much romance in it. Who knows man maybe its getting bullied by all boys as a kid that configured my sexology. Maybe i myself was born a homo. Nah doubt it just loneliness talking you know....cant even think of clever last line for this post. Bye.